An uncertain Smile of an unwilling Lolita
There once was a little girl who played , simple in her knowledge of the world and safe in her innocence , peacefully unaware of a life that was about to unfold . As the years rolled the genes stirred ,, The corporeal vessel that her soul was to travel her life Path in was the process of sculpting that gawky long legged platinum blonde waif body into a Goddess , A Very Unique Goddess one who was to create Waves Great Waves that would twist push pull and throw her along her Life Path .. The Most Powerful to All Life on Earth ..to Human ,.the Waves of Sexuality. So the Cards were drawn Her body was to inspire Desire She will never have to go to a gym to maintain it. It was genetically designed to maintain itself just by form that will with stand age and lifestyle. A Body that was made by a Mans Dream . A tall and Slender Long Legged Silky skinned Chocolate Eyed Blonde Babe with Beautiful hand full of Breasts And Ass cheeks made for cupping.. now Send her off to the guys at the Chemistry Department .. now whether it was a miscommunication between departments or a purposefully overdosing She was allocated 3 times the amount of Primal Sexuality that Was to Ooze and intoxicate all Men as she walked on by . An odour that caused Havoc and Shaped her life. A blessing or a curse ? It was to be . A Heavenly Body scented strongly With the Perfume of Lust that she was Given. Still that little girl Innocently unaware of the ticking SexBomb she had growing within her .. But the Animals she started to encounter could smell something human could not even see yet. That smell triggered a Primal Switch to copulate with the creator of it regardless that she of a different species, they were working on the supreme biochemical signal to Mate. To Fuck her. She is Ready she is Ripe she is Willing. No matter what she says . No matter that im Kangaroo an she is a 9 yr old little girl on a school excursion to my Animal park. I want her I smell her chemical code I'm having her up against that tree , I will hold her still gouging her shoulder to bleed as I attempt to mount her as she screams a horror so deep that it Will Scar her Soul. That day is first day that she remembers of ,that she became aware something about her was different. And that it was disturbing in its ominous nature And misunderstood for all of her life by the ones around her and even really her she was to find out towards the end . Why did Skippy want to have his Wicked way with her ?? And in front of her classmates as well !! she cried to her mamma ? But mamma could never give her the answer. Not then or at any family events and parks . Not even she was sad because Sister and Stepfather teased her when she started to bud .. her tender time . "Why do you HAVE TO Walk like Marilyn Monroe all the time ??" Her sister her always said as she mocked and mimicked her blossoming walk . "Because she wants All the Boys to look at her that's Why. Isn't it Michelle ?? Haha her step father would taunt as he looked at her with an invasive and inappropriate stare that he had developed by the time she turned about 13 She tried to ignore it All ..and retain that innocence that was being snatched away as she played on with this game of life . she even became a weird punk arty girl attempting to trick them to not look at her by her gaining eccentricity . But soon it all became impossible to ignore Innoncence was replaced by a learned awareness that men wanted to do 'things' to her.she wasn't quite sure yet what it was that they wanted sometimes craving so much that it caused unusual behaviour. She stated to play with this 'invisible power 'she stated to realise she had . She could get boys after school to pick up Mean looking Christmas spiders for a flash of her Minnie. But she always had to run away after when they got a weird look in they're eyes like they all of a sudden very hungry and tried to kiss her . Then as she developed and kissy chasey turned into a only ONE girl getting hunted. She started then to notice that the girls were also affected by her 'Waves 'that made the boys go silly. But They returned the Waves back to her in Negative Reactions and False accusations. Which hurt her and confused her as she was being herself that was all she knew . And on it went . Encounters with animals still causing embarrassment and looks of blame towards Her ? As if it is her fault the aunties dog has to be chained up when we visited . Older men started to look at her They all wanted to touch her , photography teacher at high school in the dark room constantly rubbing up against her panting like an animal frenzied . The new ,neighbours 1 Girls not wanting me to be near them when their boyfriends were around, Male Friends that were supposed to be friends suddenly just jumping on her as they tried to put their penis in her . So she thought I need to protect redirect and Deflect this Reaction of who I am supposed to Be . As the time passed through teenage years the encounters were a mixed bag of intense moments. They affected her Evolution in such a powerful way . But it came to be a Power that is very hard to Be .to exist with ,, to Navigate as . To have Men want her in a more than 'normal ' way Personal way sometimes So forcefully and urgent , that they forgot who thy were and that she was a person too . It Led her to learn how much they would lie ,what was they methods and what they would bribe her with ? She also learnt that she had a heart And the heart was getting bruised And knocked around with the attention So by the time she was 16 she made a decision that seemed to be the best way in her YOUNG mind . Her inexperienced and fragile child/woman mind Make it difficult for them to reach her To break her heart , to always wanting to fuck her like they were allowed to ? Make them believe that they could only See her body if they payed for it. At that time she still wouldn't let them touch only the ones that told her they loved her... as they lied and her broke her heart. There came to a few of them. Most in fact She realised No matter what she do , men usually have an agenda when they encounter her ..with sexual pleasuring at the helm. Some she liked ,, some she couldn't believe they dared to try . And Boys she liked would run away cos they thought she was enjoying that their mates wanted to fight them Over her. And Women will blame her almost that they are fat and ugly saying it's not fair? And give her evil looks of stay away as they clutched they're men when they walked by her? She found it very intense to be her so created a place to escape to to be safe and untouchable . A devious unconscious action .. a state of being of a Lolita First as a Stripper.. you can look but you can't touch .. then they kept touching anyway So stripper turned into Whore And the money became her Wall The occupation became her mask And it was all a repellant You can't afford me And you don't want me even if you could Because I'm A prostitute And You can't lie to her and tell her you Love her . She won't even try to be loved . She is safe in being a pariah . You pay her and fuck Her and walk away . Yes . you do,and that ok she says As she holds her heart safe and undamaged with its hidden beauty surviving , behind the false image she creates and projects with the skill of a master illusionist All done as a second nature ..subconsciously as a perfect tactic to Protect her , every and all her days . She sings the song ' '' Owner of a Lonely Heart is much better than Owner of a Broken Heart ' As she walks through the coming days . Over the years The Waves that got stronger as she developed into a Woman. They took her everywhere Every man reacting in his way . Sometimes Bad sometimes good . All put upon her most times with out permission or warning . They transformed her psyche Into the product she was to become . They caused her pain and pleasure . They just kept coming ..endless in their aggressive hunger .. They controlled and directed her path of life by pushing pulling and twisting her with their force . So much so that she had trouble sometimes was overwhelmed by the pressure . She attempted to avoid the effects of just being her caused her . She was was desired She was lusted after She was harassed She was tempted She was spoiled by men With their lures.. their gifts of decadence She became extremely in demand and found out she could have anything she wanted .. all the money the trinkets the subversive power if she just 'flashed her Minnie ' She did her best to survive the only way she thought there was being her . But she struggled ..when it all eventually piled up as a Reality in her being and clouding her thoughts ..choking her smile .. it just got to much Too much attention Too much bait Too much drugs Too much shame Too much money All the Means .. To slowly start to find ways to escape even more ..she started to self medicate . THE 'She' ..she was , became a stranger to Her . She slowly watched her fade away into the past as she walked on into that stark harsh idolation of her future , where she had landed as a result of the Party . That party that didn't allow you to leave not just yet maybe later cos we aren’t finished with her yet .,probably Never will be ...it felt to her .. She then learned without a smile on her face but a needle in her arm Instead to ride the Waves Still ... still the animals hunted her and tried to FUCK her Soul and own her Abuse her Lie to her And Obsess over possessing her heart ., All she knew was to make it through to the other side ,the coming minutes , The next day and last week . She learnt without understanding that it was where she was meant to be . She tried to escape so many times , in a final display of drug over dosing , trying to get out of the Valley of Death and out from under the Shadow of darkness but Some Gold stupid light she saw on the other side that kept blocking her path to the Heavens just wouldn’t allow it .. standing it ground in the ethereal realm ..pushing her sometimes throwing her back .landing hard with a gasp and a splutter on the hospital theatre bed of resuscitation or the ambulance wailing .. She really didn't care At the time for that warm confusing feeling when she saw that Light in the darkness either .. it was just Mean for not allowing her to Sleep eternal .. as she lay in the alley ..her life slipping out of her body turning it blue with purple lips . She raged and screamed at the heavens begging to let her go to Sleep and never wake up . Please . They ignored her . They sat quiet but in hope that she would keep a faith ,,she didn't even know of . That she will make it through . And not succeed in her attempt to put a hush on her pain .she never ever could of seen The Flying Colours that awaited her . With a exit from that time and place .. that would wow every single person that heard of it . . Yeah sure she would of laughed . But she was to be .. no matter what she did . It was written already .. Who she was meant to evolve to be So no Heroin Demon could of stopped that Divine Decision . The decision to reward her for her suffering as an addict her good behaviour when put under duress from being a Slavecto the Poppy ..And her Precious Heart lonely in loving With an Ultimate Gift The Gift of Life The gift of a pregnancy That changed her world That removed her from Hell And took her safely home to her family and to health of a rehabilitated ex addict . She was Kiarah And that's a different story . One for a different genre to the this current story . So on she went She found a peace she thrived in . But she was to find out .. later and closer to 50 years old .. that there is a question most vital for her to ask ..herself .. A Key . who is actually 'she'? The 'she' she still keeps under the disguise ? That mask created to keep awAy the Hunters To keep her value to them costly but then also worthless and not to be bothered hurting .. to keep the date invites to zero chance of mistakes and deceptions And the gate to sexual activity locked until payment opened it . She was successful in slipping through She broke some hearts along the way accidently mistaking them For the enemy .. when they did get past the defences that she she allowed them first Only to run away from in disbelief eventually that they could see her through her fantastical illusion of an Enigma that she Proclaimed they could never understand.. that was always her last reason to make them stay away . Today she laughs it all away and tells of a wonderful and painful journey that has made her who she is . She says it's hers And she owns it. But maybe 'she ' doesn't actually know who 'she' is .. how can she move forward now .. when 'she 'also doesn't actually know what 'she 'can be . She is going to have to search deep I say .. maybe the answer is inside Her . Well .. That's where 'she ' is going to start . And lets see what She will Be . Written by She . As the first step in self awareness and life choice direction ... Where did 'she' start ?
Blog ID: 11531
User ID: 11531
Last Update Time: 2018-11-16 12:50:04
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